It’s been almost a month since my last post, so about time I wrote another one. Sorry about that, just been very busy. I just handed in my dissertation about 2 weeks ago now and it didn’t go very well, but at least I handed something in… I told my supervisor about my family situation and that I wasn’t able to properly finish my dissertation because of it. She was very understanding and recommended that I hand in a mitigating circumstances form, which means I might get a better grade if it is clear that my dissertation grade is not reflecting my potential. So, I felt really bad about it all for about a week after, but I feel much better about it now. I try to remind myself sometimes that worrying or in general spending a lot of time thinking about the past is not very beneficial for me in any way… Unless you’ve got issues about something that happened in your past that you need to resolve or something I guess 🙂 I had to reset my mind anyway, because my exams start in 1 week and I have not done much revision at all at this point.
A week after my dissertation hand-in I got a bad case of vertigo/dizziness and nausea so I had to stay in bed for two-three days. My Dr. thought it was an inner ear viral infection, which it might have been, but looking back I think it might have been a migraine. I got a migraine today and experienced dizziness and nausea as well. I researched migraines and found out that it is actually quite common to get dizzy with migraines and that sometimes the dizziness may be the only symptom. However, today’s case was much less severe and I had a Dr’s appt. anyway, so I asked her about it and she didn’t seem too worried. She thought it might have been due to migraines as well (At least this time) because I had no balancing difficulties although I felt like I was stumbling about at times.
The actual reason I went to see the Dr. today is because I wanted someone to check my uterus/ovaries since I have felt that something is wrong with them for about 8 months now (See previous posts for symptoms I’ve experienced). Earlier they have just tried to persuade me to take a new kind of painkiller or try contraceptives again, but I felt so nervous about starting hormonal contraceptives again because of my bad experience on Nexplanon that I wanted them to at least check first that everything is alright down there. This time, however I mentioned passing blod clots during my period, pain during sex and bleeding after which seemed to be the “magic words” for them to help me out. So I’ve now got an appointment later this week to get my uterus checked and I got checked for STI’s as well. Feel much better about it all now and I guess that if everything is alright I might try the Mirena coil like my Dr. suggested earlier. I’ve seen many horrible reviews about it and especially about people like me who suffer from high anxiety, but I remember I saw many horrible reviews about the nexplanon as well (about bleeding for months at a time e.g.) and most of those things didn’t happen to me in the end, even though I didn’t like it because of the mood swings and worsened migraines… The way my periods and PMS (which I never experienced earlier) are now, I just can’t live with, not even with pain meds, so I have to try whatever there is I guess…
The reason why I might try the Mirena coil first is because it doesn’t have oestrogen in it (can’t have that with migraines and high blood pressure), it affects the rest of the body less than oral, shots and implant contraceptives since the hormones do not have to circulate through most of the body first to get to the uterus (theoretically, some of it could still circulate from the uterus), most people lose their periods and experience less or no pain on them, they are cheaper and last for up to 5 years. It sounds pretty good, although I think I’ll have to work out a lot if I start using it to prevent too much anxiety etc.
Regarding anxiety, I’ve recently bought a book from Amazon about beating anxiety, written by a previous General Anxiety Disorder/depression sufferer (Carl Vernon). It is called Anxiety Rebalance and I like it so far, have read about half of it, most of the help comes at the end it says so still waiting for the big “cure” 😛 It is already quite nice to read about his experiences (and horrible of course, would never wish on anyone to have to experience what he has), but nice because I don’t feel so alone and I recognize almost all the symptoms he had, some I wasn’t sure was caused by my anxiety before I read this, but now I am more confident that I am mostly well and healthy, and that it is just my anxiety causing most of the symptoms I experience daily like that feeling of “falling through the floor”/ligh headedness that he talks about among other things. It definitely hasn’t cured me yet, but I still hope that it can help cure me at least once I’m done reading it. Obviously, anxiety is something it takes time to overcome, but I do believe it is possible! I really do. Because as he says as well, it is all in your mind and you can change the way you think. I also want to say to everyone else out there struggling with anxiety like me, that if you’ve tried many many times to change the way you think but it hasn’t worked yet, don’t give up! It is possible, you just haven’t found the right way to do it yet or just haven’t sticked with it for long enough at a time. The tricky bit is finding what works for you, everyone’s different and everyone needs tailored “treatments”, but it IS possible! So whatever you do, DON’T give up and DON’T think you’re alone, there are many others like you and we are in this together:)
…Thinking of trying group therapy at one point when I can afford it, since I think that seems like a good idea. Maybe you should give it a go too if you can and feel like you need to change your thinking pattern?
Hope what I wrote today will help someone in one way or another, that would’ve been amazing!
Sending you many relaxing hugs 🙂