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I have recently gotten some bad news. In the last 2 weeks I have been told that I have two close family members with cancer both on the same side of the family. For one of them the situation is pretty bad, the prognoses are not looking good, but my family and I are trying to make ourselves believe and we hope that this person whom we love so much and who is way too young to die, will come through this alive and will continue to have positive thoughts and fight. The fact that I also live abroad and cannot be there for him at the moment is hard to think about, but as I said I try to stay positive and believe that he will still be there when I come home in a few months and that I can help to make his life as normal as possible whilst he’s going through chemo/radiotherapy.
For the other family member I mentioned, it is a lot easier to look on the bright side of things and I really believe that she will be fine after treatment. Her prognoses are really good as well, although I wouldn’t want for anyone to experience the shock of getting to know that you have cancer and going through the exhausting treatments etc. of course…
Cancer is just the worst illness, I hate that it exists so much… I think it is especially horrible because it can last for so long and make families so tired of hoping and trying to keep positive, one day you think everything will be fine, the next you think they’re gonna die etc. and obviously it’s so much worse for those who have the disease and have to go through the physical part of it as well.
Right now, I am feeling hopeful though. Both my family members are feeling good at the moment and treatment has started for one of them already. I kind of feel a bit selfish for talking about how I cope with this and how I feel bad when they are the ones who are going through the worst part, but the reason I feel so horrible is of course because I love them so much and don’t want to lose them. It’s such a shock to everyone and so hard to realize that this is actually happening to them and me at the moment. I know that most people know someone who has or have had cancer, but for some reason I just thought that since we’ve been fine for so long (me and my family), nothing like that will ever happen to them. I know it’s a bit naive, but I think it is a positive way of thinking at least and I think it made me happy for a long time before this happened. And that’s good I think…
I have also got a bachelor’s dissertation to finish at the moment in addition to other assignments, I have financial worries, worries about whether more family members will get ill soon and many other things… My mind is full of worries at the moment, as if I am not worried enough as it is, but I still feel like I am coping well at the moment… Of course I’ve been really sad about my family members getting cancer and I have been thinking about it a lot and had a hard time focusing on doing daily chores and write my dissertation, but it has only affected me very much a few days… The rest of the time I have been able to keep a positive mind and do the work I needed to do.
I have in general been feeling much better for the last two months than I have been since before I started on the contraceptive implant (more than 2 years ago) and since I got it removed about 8 months ago. I am hoping that this means that my hormones are balancing out again. It could also be that I have become better at tackling stress, anxiety and depression in general. I know myself better now than what I did a year ago or two years ago. I know e.g. that if I sit still for hours and hours by a desk, writing on my laptop I will get back, neck and headaches/migraines and won’t be able to do much work the next day. So I make sure I take regular breaks where I either go to the park for a short walk, do some yoga, meditation or similar. And this also makes my stress levels go down because I don’t have as many days where I feel terrible physically where I don’t get much done e.g.
There are many more of these kind of things that I probably should’ve written about in today’s post, but I just felt like writing what my mind thought of whilst writing today if you know what I mean. I believe it’s a form of therapy in itself actually… Sorry, about the long post and everything, I might have to change the heading of this entire blog soon to “a blog about me” or similar, ha, ha… But yeah, thanks for reading this if you did/do and hope you got something out of this post even though it wasn’t great, I know 🙂 But hey, no regrets! I need to work on that… I shouldn’t apologize so much for what I do and just relax and think it’s fine, it’s good enough…
Finally, I want to end this post by saying something I’ve thought of a lot recently:
Remember that you’re family and friends may not be around for very long, so make sure you tell them that you love them or at least show it in things you do for them when they are still around. Try to make everyday a good day both for you and the people you surround yourself with.
Good Night and Sweet Dreams,